Besides being one of the most defining movies of my teenage years, the movie above also describes the overwhelming feeling of this moment, right here, right now. Today I finished the college coursework for my teaching certificate...today I leave college classes behind and begin full time student teaching. I walked out of my last class today and the weight of the world seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks.
I hear stories of my classmates achieving great successes, and yet melting down. I see news reports of state budget cuts that will cut education spending more than ever before. I feel the pressure of expectation. I taste the dry mouth of trepidation as I prepare myself to finally move forward. I smell the uneasy aroma of frayed nerves.
My senses have always led me in the right direction, so why do I stress? Why do I have more questions than answers? Why is it so hard to stick to the beliefs that led me to the place where I currently reside? I sit on the precipice of Point Break; a defining movie of years past....a defining moment for me now.
I have my pals Raef Esquith and Lawrence Kolberg. I have my friends the six strands, Bloom's taxonomy, and ol man Piaget. I have my stalwart Reggie Routman. I have the best 36 cohort members in the world to lean on; and I have a family who needs me home. I have this blog to post my thoughts as fast as my brain can produce them. I have a Master Teacher who is tops in the business. I have musicians that play guitar with me whenever I get the feeling. I have a lot of resources at my disposal..........but something is missing.
In all the hubbub, business, chaos, and school work that was the past 6 months, the compass that was guiding my path began to veer off course. My instincts, my senses, seemed to waiver in their effectiveness. Things that had once come easy to me now were misfiring all around me. I plowed on believing it was just a funk; that I would break out of it if I could just make it over the next dune. School work began to suffer, my health began to suffer, and most importantly, my relationships began to suffer. It is at this point where I wish I could close my eyes and wake up to see my own Vanilla Sky.
At what point did I transition from the confident person who knew what he wanted in life to the person who seemed to not be able to make a decision to save his life? Unlike the movie Vanilla Sky, I am able to go back in time and relive the past as reality....not in a planned out dream.
So, as an aspiring amateur movie producer, I declare what hit me earlier today might have been the weight of the world, or it might have been my senses recalibrating the priorities of my life. To me, seeing the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" when I was 10 years old set the tone for how I was going to live my life. "No man is a failure who has friends!" Plain and simple....RELATIONSHIPS are priority one. I let myself believe that school was more important than the people in my life, and I don't plan to continue in this false reality.
It seemed so simple when we were growing up. When you met someone that laughed at the same things you did, enjoyed the same experiences you did, and thought about life the same way you did; you became friends! When you are all grown up responsibility clouds these possibilities. We become afraid of losing what we think we have instead of gaining what we know is real. In movies and books it is called "following your heart". I call it trusting your senses and doing what brings happiness to your heart.
Thanks Blog. I think I know what to do now.
Thanks Blog. I think I know what to do now.
The purpose of this blog was to recenter, refocus, re-align, recalibrate, whatever you wish to call it. I feel like I know the people I want in my life and I know the relationships I want to cultivate. I also know that I will have the chance to make a HUGE difference in the lives of 31 lucky students in the very near future. I am getting a second chance at this, there's not a chance in H-E- Double Hockeysticks I'm going to lose this opportunity. Point Break? Condition Clear!!
Cheerio
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